Want to end the messy, time consuming job of filter replacement
save twenty gazillion gallons of crude oil every time you drive your car?
THEN YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!
It's so new that scientists still haven't discovered
a fancy Latin word to describe it's effect on your engine!
Automotive protection so revolutionary that technicians
still haven't figured out how to use it!
So astoundingly effective that problems that have never
occurred are solved prior to their creation!
What is this fantastic new product for your car?
Takes only moments to install and attaches easily using simple hand-tools!
(Knowledge of quantum mechanics required to prevent
fission chain reaction during initial oil fill-up.)
Starts working right away to protect your engine's vital internal components
from eensy-weensy contaminants so small that they're bound to be there...
even if we can't find them!
Scientifically proven to reduce engine failures by eliminating 100%
of your engine's RPMs!
AND, for a limited time only!...
HOW DOES THIS MIRACLE PRODUCT WORK?
Follow along and let's find out!...
Starting with the theoretical theory that all molecules are 'Simply lots of little thingys that are extremely hard to grab ahold of with a pair of tweezers... no matter how fast you are.', we developed a method of delaying the normal decomposition of petroleum based products, including your engine's critical lubricating oil!
Ordinary oil filters only filter your oil!
This cutaway diagram of OUR AMAZING filter shows just how
effective our filtration methods are! Normal filters don't even attempt to
strip neutrinos from your engine oil... OURS CAN... AND
The competition's magnetic oil filters cannot compare to the
effectiveness of our super-duper oil filtration system! Their puny system
allows dangerously large particles like electrons to slip by their filter and
actually enter your engine!
Our product is different!
Customer: "Hey! That sounds like
you think I'm pretty f*ckin' stupid!...
Customer: "Hey! Mr. Renowned Engineer dude!... How does this thing work?"
Renowned Engineer: "Simple. By using Feltsen's Unified Theory of Bi-Polar Displaysia, we can apply thermal magnetics to the exterior surface of any cylindrical device commonly employed to remove unwanted particulates from carbon based lubricants."
Renowned Engineer:"Go grab an oil filter and slap a magnet on that bitch."
Customer: "Hey! That's incredible! But I"m not really convinced..."
Aren't they incredibly incredible?
For example; this chart apparently shows something extremely complicated implying that our XT-1F system works and is worth every penny of the $399.96 downpayment! Notice the squiggly lines and complex mathematical fomulae! Only an AMAZING PRODUCT LIKE THE XT-1F could produce charts like that!!! LOOK!"
Customer: "WOW! You're absolutely
right! That is, like, so VERY IMPRESSIVE! How could I have been so stupid?!?!
Renowned Engineer: "No."
"Unfortunately, YOU will never, EVER get a babe that nice...
(** - Providing their self-esteem is ZERO and their moral standards are extremely low to begin with.
Liberal application of elephant tranquilizers and / or grain alcohol may be required for full effectiveness.)
Customer: "WOW! THAT'S
Let's ask Bob... our friendly Tech Support Tech! Bob? How can XT-1F help this dic... dude get a hot babe while it's still protecting his engine's vital internal components from spontaneous combustion and damaging rotation?"
"It's really so simple that even a stu-... VALUED CUSTOMER, such as yourself, can do it!
First - Purchase the XT-1F filtration sytem!
Second - Leave your dad's liquor cabinet open when your sister has her friends over.
Third - Soon, they'll be guzzling your dad's liquor and will pass out in a drunken stupor.
Forth - Keep your sister quiet by threatening to tell your parents about her little
'battery powered friend'
that she keeps under her mattress.
Fifth - Let XT-1F do the rest!
Customer:"XT-1F does all that!? Wow! What happens then? What do I do next?!"
"That's the most AMAZING thing about the XT-1F Filtration system! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING!... XT-1F DOES IT FOR YOU!"
"All you do is sit down beside her, lean over and quietly whisper that it's time to change HER oil!... "
"I am, like, sooooo wasted!
Say! Is that an XT-1F filtration system in your pocket?"
"Then (*- If she doesn't wake up, slap the shit out of you and kick you in the nuts.) that's when the miracle of 'hormones' take over!
Isn't that right, Renowned Engineer?"
I'll take FIVE of them right now!
Thanks Tech Support Bob! Thanks Renowned Engineer dude!"
Renowned Engineer:"Anytime... (Putz)."
PROTECT YOUR ENGINE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
VISA OR MASTERCARD ONLY!
Testimonial purportedly from a Famous Actor's Likeness: "I use it and love it!"
SORRY, BUT NO CHECKS OR C.O.D. ORDERS CAN BE ACCEPTED!
CALL OUR FRIENDLY CALL CENTER NOW AND SPEAK TO A FRIENDLY CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE NOW!