XT-1F Oil Filteration System

Tired of dirty, nasty oil changes?

Want to end the messy, time consuming job of filter replacement
AND
save twenty gazillion gallons of crude oil every time you drive your car?

THEN YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!

You've waited eons for the development of this product!

It's so new that scientists still haven't discovered
a fancy Latin word to describe it's effect on your engine!

Automotive protection so revolutionary that technicians
still haven't figured out how to use it!

So astoundingly effective that problems that have never
occurred are solved prior to their creation!

What is this fantastic new product for your car?

THE XT-1F
Magneto-Hydradynamic
Oil Filtration
System!

BEFORE:
Your ratty P.O.S. before installing our revolutionary XT-1F Oil Filtration System:

AFTER:
AMAZING! Over 550HP after installing XT-1F Oil Filtration System:

Takes only moments to install and attaches easily using simple hand-tools!
(Knowledge of quantum mechanics required to prevent
fission chain reaction during initial oil fill-up.)

Starts working right away to protect your engine's vital internal components
from eensy-weensy contaminants so small that they're bound to be there...
even if we can't find them!

Scientifically proven to reduce engine failures by eliminating 100%
of your engine's RPMs!

AND, for a limited time only!...
If you buy our patented XT-1F system TODAY, we will GUARANTEE
that you will get laid absolutely free!

That's right!
Not only does our INCREDIBLE product strip imaginary contaminants from
your hot engine oil; it's REVOLUTIONARY inductive field generator gets
hot babe's stripped and oiled!

HOW DOES THIS MIRACLE PRODUCT WORK?

Follow along and let's find out!...

1 Working around the clock, our team of crack scientists created a dynamic method of stripping hydros from carbons and sports bras from cheerleaders all while remolecularizing the polymers within your crankcase using a principle so simple that it eluded even the best minds! What does this mean for you? Simple! Oil so clean that it cannot be perceived by the naked eye! Engine lubrication so effective that all rotating assemblies will immediately engage in perpetual motion!*	2 Starting with the theoretical theory that all molecules are 'Simply lots of little thingys that are extremely hard to grab ahold of with a pair of tweezers... no matter how fast you are.', we developed a method of delaying the normal decomposition of petroleum based products, including your engine's critical lubricating oil!	3 Ordinary oil filters only filter your oil! This lets engine destroying atoms slip right on by the competition's flawed filtration systems! Once inside your crankcase, they begin to vibrate insanely and interact with neutrons, quarks and connecting rods to DRASTICALLY reduce the life of your car's engine!!! Simple, ordinary oil filters are quickly filled with mud, metal shavings, stray dogs and ineffective filtration media which contribute to global warming and vastly shorten the life of your engine!
4 This cutaway diagram of OUR AMAZING filter shows just how effective our filtration methods are! Normal filters don't even attempt to strip neutrinos from your engine oil... OURS CAN... AND DOES! How? With our patented *Faux Filtration* system!	5 The competition's magnetic oil filters cannot compare to the effectiveness of our super-duper oil filtration system! Their puny system allows dangerously large particles like electrons to slip by their filter and actually enter your engine! (Actual photo of competitor's oil filtration system field.)	6 Our product is different! Shown here, just one of our DELUXE units protects an entire solar system of engines! (Actual unretouched photo of oil molecules orbiting your XT-1F filter.) Wow! Sounds incredible, doesn't it! Oh sure, our competitors (and most of the free world) think that you're just a gullible, brainless twit who'd buy two rocks glued together with the right sales pitch... but we know better!
7 Customer: "Hey! That sounds like you think I'm pretty fckin' stupid!... But, you do have a real website with lots of real complicated looking charts... Those diagrams REALLY ARE REALLY REAL COMPLICATED!!! I guess that means ALL of your claims MUST be really true! Really! WOW! What was I thinking?! While I'm getting my credit card out to order this REALLY AMAZING PRODUCT!... Tell me! How does it really work? What does it really do? And, most importantly; Can I really use it to really pick up real women?" Let's ask one of our Renowned Engineers! (Renowned Engineer)*	8 Customer: "Hey! Mr. Renowned Engineer dude!... How does this thing work?" Renowned Engineer: "Simple. By using Feltsen's Unified Theory of Bi-Polar Displaysia, we can apply thermal magnetics to the exterior surface of any cylindrical device commonly employed to remove unwanted particulates from carbon based lubricants." Customer: "Huh?" Renowned Engineer:"Go grab an oil filter and slap a magnet on that bitch." Customer: "Hey! That's incredible! But I"m not really convinced..."	9 Renowned Engineer: Here at the XT-1F Research Facility, we count on OUR customers to be smart enough to trust anything we tell them! Need more convincing? Just look at these charts! Aren't they incredibly incredible? For example; this chart apparently shows something extremely complicated implying that our XT-1F system works and is worth every penny of the $399.96 downpayment! Notice the squiggly lines and complex mathematical fomulae! Only an AMAZING PRODUCT LIKE THE XT-1F could produce charts like that!!! LOOK!" Customer:: "Uh.... I'm not sure what all of that means..."
10 Renowned Engineer: "It means that once you look at this diagram you'll be convinced that you cannot live without this REMARKABLE device any longer! Look!:..." Customer: "WOW! You're absolutely right! That is, like, so VERY IMPRESSIVE! How could I have been so stupid?!?! OK! I'm sold on this product! Here's my credit card! Keep it! I want to start protecting my engine today!...	11 Customer:But you know... all this talk of lubrication has me thinking about your other guarantee... What about picking up women? Can the XT-1F help a loser dork like me 'get a babe like this'?" Renowned Engineer: "No." Customer: "Well... Shit."	12 Renowned Engineer: "Unfortunately, YOU will never, EVER get a babe that nice... Even XT-1F cannot make unsubstantiated claims like that and remain even remotely believable... but you CAN use XT-1F to MAKE ugly women APPEAR more attractive! Plus, as we all know... ugly women WANT to get laid! Once installed, our AMAZING product may even cause them to lower their standards far enough to allow a ditz like you to touch their breasts!" ( - Providing their self-esteem is ZERO and their moral standards are extremely low to begin with. Liberal application of elephant tranquilizers and / or grain alcohol may be required for full effectiveness.) Customer: "WOW! THAT'S FANTASTIC! TELL ME MORE!"
13 Renowned Engineer:"Just look at this chart and follow the simple instructions included with every XT-1F purchase": Customer: "Huh?" Renowned Engineer: "Say... you really are a dipsh... VALUED CUSTOMER! That's why every XT-1F comes with free tech support! Let's ask Bob... our friendly Tech Support Tech! Bob? How can XT-1F help this dic... dude get a hot babe while it's still protecting his engine's vital internal components from spontaneous combustion and damaging rotation?"	14 Bob in Tech Support: "It's really so simple that even a stu-... VALUED CUSTOMER, such as yourself, can do it! First - Purchase the XT-1F filtration sytem! Second - Leave your dad's liquor cabinet open when your sister has her friends over. Third - Soon, they'll be guzzling your dad's liquor and will pass out in a drunken stupor. Forth - Keep your sister quiet by threatening to tell your parents about her little 'battery powered friend' that she keeps under her mattress. Fifth - Let XT-1F do the rest! Customer:"XT-1F does all that!? Wow! What happens then? What do I do next?!"	15 Bob in Tech Support: "That's the most AMAZING thing about the XT-1F Filtration system! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING!... XT-1F DOES IT FOR YOU!" "All you do is sit down beside her, lean over and quietly whisper that it's time to change HER oil!... " "I am, like, sooooo wasted! Say! Is that an XT-1F filtration system in your pocket?" "Then (*- If she doesn't wake up, slap the shit out of you and kick you in the nuts.) that's when the miracle of 'hormones' take over! Isn't that right, Renowned Engineer?"
16 Renowned Engineer: "Absolutely!" Customer:"Hormones?" Renowned Engineer:"Yes... Hormones! To help explain, here's another complex diagram showing something complex!" Customer: "Huh?"	17 Renowned Engineer: "Relax! It's easy! Just purchase our Patented XT-1F Filtration system and let XT-1F do the rest! Your hormones, combined with a drunken, semi-comatose bimbo and three or four of our XT-1F filtration systems slapped sharply upside your head will make any unattractive, yet unconcious women seem like putty in your hands!"	18 Customer: "WOW! I'm CONVINCED! What an INCREDIBLE product! And I get all this from a magnetic thingy that goes on my engine's oil filter!? I'll take FIVE of them right now! Thanks Tech Support Bob! Thanks Renowned Engineer dude!" Renowned Engineer:"Anytime... (Putz)."

WELL! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?
PROTECT YOUR ENGINE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

ORDER TODAY!
CALL 1-555-OIL-CRAP!
THAT'S 1-555-OIL-CRAP!
VISA OR MASTERCARD ONLY!

Testimonial purportedly from a Famous Actor's Likeness: "I use it and love it!"

SORRY, BUT NO CHECKS OR C.O.D. ORDERS CAN BE ACCEPTED!

CALL OUR FRIENDLY CALL CENTER NOW AND SPEAK TO A FRIENDLY CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE NOW!

Customer Testimonials:

"Thank you XT-1F! You have changed my life forever!"

CLICK HERE TO ORDER!

Click here to see if you are a smart shopper!

(* - Performance claims void where laws of physics apply.)

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